Are you really struggling with letting go of a past love? Are you sure that your ex was the only person for you and that you could never possibly be happy again?
I get it! The pain that you are in now is pain that is intense and feels like it will never end.
But it can! If you want it to.
If you are determined and ready to take the next steps and work on letting go of a past love, you will give yourself a chance at true love and happiness.
Is that hard to imagine that it’s possible? Let me tell you why.
1 – You will know what you want.
For many of us, the time after we have broken up with someone we loved is a time of real reflection.
Whether we did the breaking up or were broken up with, one way to manage pain is to take a good hard look at what happened and what we really want.
What have you learned from your past love?
Over the course of my post-divorce dating years, I fell in love many times. None of them lasted, for a variety of reasons. And while I was at times broken-hearted, with every break up I learned more and more about what I wanted.
I wanted someone who could make me feel special, who was smart and funny and honest, who had a great relationship with this family and who knew who he was. As I let go of each of these men, I was able to take another step towards knowing myself and what I wanted in the world – and thereby find true happiness.
2 – You can focus on what’s in front of you.
Have you tried dating since your break up? Has it been an unmitigated disaster because you can’t help but think about your ex and everything that you have lost?
Are you given great new career opportunities or the chance to travel and you don’t take them because you are too focused on your broken heart and maybe getting your lover back?
Are your friends there to go dancing but you can’t join them because you are wallowing?
Letting go of a past love, in spite of the pain and the lost hopes will allow you to lift your head and focus on the opportunities for happiness that are put in front of you.
If you don’t, you will be destined to be miserable. And life is too short to be miserable.
3 – You will stop comparing.
When we are in a new relationship and we have not yet been able to let go of an old one, it is very difficult to stop yourself from comparing the two.
If your new guy isn’t as funny as your old, you will hold that against him, even if he is funny in his own way. If the sex isn’t as good, you could shut down instead of giving it a chance to improve, as sex lives often do. If he doesn’t make as much money as your old guy you might think he isn’t good enough for you, completely ignoring that he knows who he is because he does work that feels good.
Another thing that happens with people who struggle with letting go of a past love is that we hold on to our ‘issues.’ Our ‘baggage.’
If we were lied to by our ex, we are always worried that our new person will lie to us. If your old guy ignored you when you were at parties, you will stress out if your new person leaves your side even for a minute.
Letting go of a past love allows us to also let go of the damage that they did to us. And if we can do so, we will have a much better chance of future happiness, both in love and life!
4 – You will no longer suffer.
Imagine if you no longer suffered from the pain that you are suffering from right now.
Imagine how good it would feel to get up in the morning and not get that stab of pain when you remember that you are alone.
Imagine going out with friends, not always hoping that you might see your guy, only to be disappointed if you don’t.
Letting go of a past love will help alleviate that pain. If we can let go of the hopes and dreams, of the thousand little cuts and the things that made us so unhappy, then we will stop suffering and open ourselves up to the possibility of happiness.
If pain is your constant companion, happiness will be elusive. So, work hard to let go and move on, move on towards the life of your dreams.
5 – You can truly let someone in.
Many of my clients jump right back into dating after a break-up. And while I encourage people to date again when they are ready, I don’t encourage them to quickly fall back in love.
Trying to give yourself to someone when you are still attached to another is almost impossible. If your heart belongs to someone else, letting another person in, allowing them to truly love you, is a fruitless effort.
You can try to fake it until you make it but ultimately you are doing both of you a disservice, wasting time that could be spent healing.
Imagine how it would feel to truly love and be loved again. To have someone make you feel like the world was yours for the taking, who would stand by you through thick and thin and who would support you in everything you do.
You can have that, and more, if you are successful at letting go of a past love. I promise.
Letting go of a past love might seem simply impossible at this moment. But you can do it!
Being inspired to get the life that you want, one where pain is not your constant companion, where you know what you want, where you won’t compare and you can let someone in is the best way to get started on the hard work of letting go of a love that wasn’t serving you.
If you can do that – if you can beat the pain and move forward, then you can, and will, live happily ever after!
If I know it. I have been there!
I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention, Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.
A version of this post was previously published on TheMindsJournal and is republished here with permission from the author.
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