Trauma and I, Uniting in Love

Me: Oh wow, I really like this woman.

Trauma: Can I come hang out with you two?

Me: Um…

Trauma: You don’t want me there do you? 

Me: Well…

Trauma: I get it. I ruin everything.

Me: … It’s not your fault.

Trauma: Whose fault is it?

Me: No ones. Your expression is a natural unfolding within the world we grew up in.

Trauma: What do you mean?

Me: Many here are disconnected from their hearts, from themselves. This is how you were created.

Trauma: … Say more

Me: In the example of you and I, you were created because I was scared. Situations felt unsafe, so I created you.

Trauma: You created me?

Me: Yes. As a way to adapt to this world. To get my needs met. To fit in.

Trauma: Explain.

Me: In many situations in life, I have not felt safe to be my full self. I have been afraid of punishment, ridicule, exclusion, withholding of love, if certain parts of me were present. This created a split within me. This created you.

Trauma: What do you mean? Who am I?

Me: You are the pain of separation from self.

Trauma: … So you were scared to be fully you, you hid parts of yourself, and this created me?

Me: Yes. I blamed parts of myself for being the cause of my suffering. I blamed you. I imagined that if you didn’t exist, I’d be safe.

Trauma: And that’s why you don’t want me around?

Me: This is why I hesitate to include you. But, ultimately, I do want you to join me.

Trauma: You do?

Me: Yes.

Trauma: Why?

Me: Because you are me. You are home.

Trauma: … So home is including me? Including all your parts?

Me: Yes.

Trauma: Then why do you hesitate to include me?

Me: Because I’m afraid.

Trauma: Of what?

Me: Losing that which I care about. That which I love. That which I think I want and need.

Trauma: But what you really want is to feel at home again. And that means including me.

Me: Yes.

Trauma:… What does feeling at home mean to you?

Me: It means I am so clear on who I really am, my inherent value, that the concept of safety dissolves, and what remains is a fierce desire to contribute to the joy and expansion of All.

Trauma: And including me will help you find this clarity and feel this fierce desire to contribute?

Me: Yes.

Trauma: How do you know?

Me: Because it is already happening.

Trauma: … I feel it too. I feel you including me. Bit by bit. At the pace you are available. And as you do, as we merge, I feel an infusion of inspiration. An investment in this human adventure.

Me: Yes!

Trauma: As you welcome and include me, in the presence of fear, I feel us uniting in love. I feel you learning to appreciate me again, recognizing my value, so that I may recognize my own. And I feel the desire to contribute to joy and expansion that you describe. I imagine this may contribute to my expression growing fiercer at times. There’s a ferocious impatience in me to more fully contribute to our home.

Me: …

Trauma: I feel you doing the best you can to include me. I know it is hard. I know my expression can feel painfully disconnecting and that you see me as a saboteur. I see myself this way. But what you’re sharing here has introduced a new perspective. A new understanding. A new appreciation for this dance we are in, for the efforts you are making to include me, for my value.

Me: This is so beautiful.

Trauma: I am valuable because I am you. And you are love. We are love. An unstoppable force of love when we unite, feel our undeniable value, the truth of our being, and the desire to include ourselves, to choose ourselves, to choose this life, is fully activated.

Me: … You’ve got me speechless… you are my teacher.

Trauma: We are one another’s teachers. And we are both students. Tripping along the path back to One.

Me: Yes…

Trauma: … My expression may not be easy to co-exist with at times. It may destroy that which you desire, and you may feel unsafe and incredibly frustrated and lonely in moments. But if what you truly desire is to unite with me, as you say, if you wish to experience the home that we are and feel your immeasurable value and ecstatic desire to choose this human adventure and contribute like never before, I’m here… and I’m ready.

Me: I’m ready, too. Let’s do this shit. Let’s come together and set the world on fire with love!

Trauma: And so it is … Thank you for including me and being patient with me. I love you.

Me: Thank you for being patient with me and including yourself. I love you too.

A version of this post was originally posted on TroyCohen.Wordpress.com and is republished here with permission from the author. 

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