By Bari Lyman
Fairytale endings mean different things to different people. Regardless of whether your love story ends on the cozy side of a white picket fence, or you have something less traditional in mind, it all begins with finding the right match for you. And anyone familiar with the dating world knows that can be easier said than done!
Bari Lyman, dating coach and creator of the Meet to Marry Method, is on a mission to help you ‘be the one to find the one’. Here’s her expert advice.
Where should I be meeting my future husband/wife?
You can meet your future husband or wife anywhere — online, at singles events, through matchmakers or introductions. You can even meet him or her when you least expect it!
One of my clients met her husband at a trade show. Another client was at her daughter’s preschool when a fellow parent introduced her to the amazing man she married just a few months later.
Being open and having the inner space for love to thrive are the most important things; they’re what make it possible for you to meet and truly recognize “the one.”
I’ve used every online dating app and website and still haven’t found the one. What should I do now?
There are several things you can do if you’re not meeting the right kind of people, if you’re not finding the “right combination” in a person, or finding only people who don’t share your values or vision:
Look inward and reboot your dating: Ask yourself: “What energy could I be putting out there that might be causing me to attract the wrong ones for me?” and “What can I do to change my reality so that I am an attraction magnet for what I want and need?” Doing some inner work and clearing away the space within (to get to know yourself and your unique needs and vision) can change your dating trajectory and allow you to zoom in and be open to the right one for you.
Be proactive: Don’t wait for people to contact you. With an inspired mindset, seek out the kind of person you are looking for. To know what you’re looking for, write down your vision of the kind of person you’d like to meet, how you’d like to feel in a relationship, and what your relationship goals are. You want to create a really vivid picture of these things and then share your complete vision with friends, family, and those in your community who can make great suggestions.
Ask the right questions:If you are marriage minded, share your vision, goals, strengths, and passions with potential dates and ask them what their relationship goals are, what makes them tick, what their life vision is. Ask questions about “who the person is” and stay away from small talk that doesn’t allow you to get to know what the other person is about. A great question to ask to get to the heart of a person and their values is “what do you want to be remembered for?”
It’s important to know that the person you are looking for does exist and is waiting for you now. The key to finding that person is to be plugged into yourself, so you can recognize him/her, wherever that may be.
How do I find what my parents have?
You can find what your parents have by having a really clear picture of the specific aspects of your parents’ relationship that are inspiring to you and then looking for those qualities in the people you are dating.
Break it down. Do they have powerful communication and empathy for each other?
If you want to emulate these inspiring dynamics in your future marriage, look for people who embody these qualities and notice how it feels when you are with them. If you are looking for powerful communication, notice if you and your date are communicating in a way that feels good. If you want to experience empathy, notice if you and your date are empathic towards one another during your interactions.
Oftentimes, singles get tripped up and stuck, feeling like no one can ever live up to their parents’ marriage, so they reject everyone due to their fear of failure.
However, by dating powerfully with your eyes wide open, you’ll find your special someone with whom you’ll create your own unique and special relationship.
What else can I do?
Want to get even more in-depth and eye-opening tips and techniques? Visit www.meettomarry.com to get your free copy of the 7 Mistakes When Dating to Marry (and how to avoid them).
A version of this post was previously published on jscreen.org and is republished here with permission from the author.
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