When you’re going through a divorce, seeking the help of a counselor is a smart move. Chances are, it’s one of the most stressful times of your life, and getting some help when you’re trying to make sense of it all isn’t a sign you’re weak.
Whether you’re seeking a counselor during the divorce process or after, here are some reasons why talking to a counselor is always important.
Communication With Your Ex
First, a divorce counselor can help you talk to your ex in a civil manner. When you get a divorce, it’s usually not amicable, and you hope you never see your ex again. However, you’re still going to have to communicate with them until the divorce is finalized. If you have children, you’re going to have to keep in touch for custody reasons.
It can be hard to talk with your ex, especially in the early stages. Emotions are high, and civility is usually thrown out the window. A counselor can be a good mediator to keep the peace and teach you how to speak with your spouse without causing a fight.
Not to mention, a counselor is great for communicating about your spouse to other people. For example, when you have custody of your children, it can be difficult for you to avoid negative talk about them. However, making your kids take a side is toxic, and you should be as neutral as possible when bringing your ex up.
During the divorce process, a counselor can prevent your divorce from becoming messy. To avoid lengthy, expensive court battles, a counselor can be a sort of mediator who helps you get the best outcome for both parties. It’s much less expensive than a divorce lawyer, too.
Helping You Make Sense of Your Divorce
When you’re getting a divorce, or are dealing with the aftermath, you may not have any sense of it. For instance, if the divorce happened due to infidelity, you may wonder what you did to make your ex cheat. Sometimes, you may have been the cheater, and you want to figure out why.
Other times, the reason for your divorce is less clear. It may be due to you two drifting apart. But why did you drift apart? How can you prevent that in the future? With divorce, no one tells you things about it, but a therapist may help make some sense out of it.
Letting Go of Negative Emotions
When you’re dealing with the aftermath of a divorce, you may find it difficult to keep positive. Anger, regret, depression, and other negative feelings can overtake your mind. A counselor can help you face your negative emotions and make it easier for you to let them go. Meditation, mindfulness, and finding the positive in the negative are just some ways a counselor can help you. This isn’t to say that you still won’t feel negative emotions, but you can learn to let them go and instead focus on the positive.
Learning Skills to Pick Up the Pieces
One of the scariest, yet most interesting parts about your divorce, is that it’s almost like restarting your adult life. You’re back to having one income, you may have to move to a small apartment again, and sometimes you may have to move back into your parent’s house. In some cases, a divorce can cost you your job. You may not be a spring chicken anymore, but a divorce can make you feel like you’re freshly 18 again.
One of the goals of divorce counseling is to help you pick up the pieces and help you to rebuild your life. If you need help living alone, a counselor can teach you how to live that single life. If you want to experiment and try to find yourself, a counselor can help guide you through that. Some people may want to seek a counselor until your life somewhat returns to normal.
Helping You Be There for Your Kids
If you have kids, you may end up losing most of your custody of them. In a case like this, it can be difficult to learn how to be a parent again when you’re not seeing them much. Divorce counseling can help you learn how to be there for your kids. One way it does is to teach you time management skills when you can be there for them. That way, you won’t waste the day away and make every minute count.
Sometimes, it Can Help Prevent Divorce
There are different types of divorce counseling, and one of them is pre-divorce counseling. This is when you are wanting a divorce, but haven’t gone through the legal proceedings yet. Some people go to pre-divorce counseling to make the divorce process a little easier.
However, there are some who may end up using it as a form of last-minute marriage counseling. While you may believe that there is no hope for your marriage, a therapy session may help you realize that the marriage was meant to be.
Sometimes, you may announce you want a divorce in an emotional outburst. When you talk about it with a counselor with a cooler head, you may realize that you acted irrationality, especially if the reason you wanted a divorce is easily fixable. For example, if you want a divorce because you found out that one person was financially dishonest, learning to examine why that happened and how it can be prevented can help repair the relationship and rebuild trust.
There’s No Shame in Getting Help
Life can be confusing and unpredictable, and when you’re dealing with something as overwhelming as a divorce, it can be hard for you to make sense of everything. That’s why it’s important to seek help from a professional. A divorce counselor has dealt with many people who have had a divorce, and they may know how to help you. Speak to a divorce counselor, and don’t be afraid to let them assist you.
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