Staying Through the Pain

Men choosing to be in intimate relationships are faced with a challenge: how to handle the emotional difficulties that come with life?  New relationships with lots of approval and joy are wonderful. The newness doesn’t often pose a challenge. More obviously difficult is when we face the dreaded enemy: EMOTIONAL VULNERABILITY

Then, as we all know, the shine and play and bliss meet a world that brings bad moods, fears, and physical and mental pain. Knowing what to do depends on learning. The lesson in this article is to accept our own emotional vulnerability.

What to Accept?

Life works this way: give and take. What is given will be taken. When we recognize this truth we immediately release the lesson we learned as men that taught us we were in control. We aren’t. Life is in control  It has given itself to you and will take itself away from you and all you do.  You are temporary, your experience is temporary, and accepting this fact of life makes the journey so much smoother for us and our loved ones.

Staying intimately connected emotionally with our partners and children is our challenge. When experiences which seem to take away from our families and they are managing real or imagined pain and suffering, what’s a guy to do? We are committed to helping them grow, learn, thrive. Ironically that dedication demands of us that we grow if we are to help them develop.

Growing the Male Ego

Physical and emotional pain have been standards by which men have learned to judge ourselves. We have come to define our masculinity as a requirement to avoid completely fear and emotions of vulnerability. The male ego is generally slothful in this area. We reach for the old standby of dominance or avoidance rather than engagement and exercise.

Most male egos fear vulnerability. Talking about and focusing on difficulties has become a confounding behavior only used by females. This is particularly true in the area of emotions. Talking about feeling unsafe has become forbidden. In its place has reigned flee or fight, but never stay, and in particular, never stay still. Do something, show anger, but don’t just sit there.

Breathing Your Way Back to Power

All of us are depending upon a life much bigger than our own history. The breath and heartbeat within each of us remain solidly generating what is real. As lovers, spouses, mates, fathers, we are called to help our loved ones. Helping them with our understanding and patience is our future.

Returning to the reality of life’s temporary nature delivers us back to our ability to watch, feel, wait and then act. Choosing to watch the breath coming through us can lead us to the breath arriving and departing through our loved ones as well.  With this realization arises a scope so broad that the most recent harshness, fear, injustice is simply passing.  As we look into the eyes of fear and hurt knowing they are temporary, we see the answer which is acceptance of what is.

If the moments include an irrational child, spouse, ego, know that the danger is a momentary experience, just like your breath. Using your breath as an example of life’s love offers the expansive truth of this moment which will absorb the fear in peace.

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