Staying Single for the Sake of My Love Life

Once you embrace single life, you start to view things from different perspectives.

I truly don’t believe you find love or love finds you.

As the years go by, I have come up with the conclusion that you create love.

Being in love vs. being in a relationship for all the wrong reasons

Being in love with someone is not really possible if you are not in love with yourself first. I refer to establishing inner peace and balance in your life and mental health. That’s, essentially, what I consider being in love with yourself — simply being fine with who you are. And you create all that, it’s an on-going process.

Maintaining a healthy relationship with yourself makes it possible for you to maintain a healthy one with someone else as well. But first, you had to perform a bit of soul-searching, right? Finding what makes you click.

. . .

I had a friend who maintained this extremely generic relationship with her partner. No passion, no mutual growth, no sex life.

When I asked her if that was enough for her, she stated:

Well, no, of course, but it’s way better than being alone on a Friday night.

I’m alone on a Friday night.

Nothing scary about that.

There’s this strange phenomenon I’ve been witnessing for the past decade or so

People tend to be part of unfulfilling relationships to escape self-reflection as they are concerned about the possible consequences of the reality check.

Questions like “Am I on the right track in my personal self-development?” and “What do I consider valuable in people and myself?” are less frequent when we are with someone. We focus on the “we” part instead of the “I” part. It’s just easier to blame your partner on your personal dissatisfaction.

We, as a society, are in constant fear of being alone

I consider that has something to do with the overall anxiety, overthinking, and need for approval which we frequently deny paying attention to.

As we bottle our feelings and thoughts up, the last thing we need is for them to try to reappear now and then, reminding us that we have issues to work on.

Being single gives you the opportunity to actually address your own needs, thoughts on life, what you consider valuable, what you need to work on, what your goals are, and what you need to do to achieve them simply because you have enough time on your own to pay attention.

The fear of being alone is nothing more than fear of facing your mistakes, failures, procrastination and low self-esteem. Being in a relationship not because of love but because of fear of being alone is doomed and quite unfair for the other person.

Knowing exactly who you are is the most empowering thing out there. It’s achievable through self-awareness.

Self-awareness when being single is far more sincere than couple-awareness.

. . .

Why is staying single for a while essential?

Because you figure yourself out.

Staying single lets you watch yourself for a while — what makes you happy, what makes you sad, what you consider fulfilling, is your job the right one for you, do you want to get married someday, do you consider having kids, and so on.

When in a relationship, we are constantly affected by the other person’s opinion on stuff if we are not self-aware enough.

The ‘happy relationship’ formula is simply two people who have figured themselves out prior to engaging in a partnership.

Staying single for the sake of your love life

Okay, a relationship ended.

Instead of heading right into the next one with someone you are not in love with just to escape from self-reflection is bad for your personal growth.

Take the time to acknowledge your feelings. Observe your attitude towards life. Check with your standards and goals. Work things out. Heal. And grow out of your bad habits.

Face being alone for a while with this thought in mind:

The most important relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself.

Once you achieve balance and inner peace, then you will be able to maintain a wonderful relationship with someone else who has also worked their things out.

There’s nothing scary in being single. What’s scary is never acknowledging your true self. That’s, essentially, creating love — for yourself and others.

Being alone is often viewed as scary because nothing distracts you from being in a relationship with yourself

This post was previously published on Change Becomes You and is republished here with permission from the author.

***

If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project and want to join our calls on a regular basis, please join us as a Premium Member, today.

All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.

Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.


Photo credit: Unsplash

Back to Top