Open Mic


Daniel has always wanted to perform stand-up comedy, but with his crippling fear of crowds, open-spaces and public embarrassment, he has to think outside (or rather inside) the box, to live out his dream.

[Music]
00:11
thank you well that was amazing folks
00:17
great way to start the night off
00:20
now next I place gentlemen is doing the
00:22
first-ever stand-up gig a big round of
00:29
applause for Daniel good evening ladies
01:09
and gentlemen I may perform in a box due
01:13
to my crippling fear of crowds open
01:16
spaces and public embarrassment but at
01:19
least if I die on stage tonight my
01:22
family will see if a bit of money on the
01:24
coffin thank you they’re not laughing
01:29
what’s good on where they’re not
01:31
laughing oh why did you look I told you
01:35
not to look what do you need a room not
01:37
beg for it might as well be in a
01:39
warehouse or one of them tunnels or a
01:41
football stadium
01:43
and love money no work we know a bit
01:45
about me now
01:46
but what about you is there anyone in
01:48
the audience who’s afraid of anything
01:52
you miss what about you do you have a
01:55
fear of anything Bordeaux
01:58
well you shouldn’t have a groovy editor
02:00
what if they decide to rush the stage
02:02
and drag me oxide they could put me in
02:04
the middle of the road are tapped me off
02:05
the motorway bridge I leave the box and
02:07
the docks or just go the whole way and
02:09
throw the Box in the ocean they do say
02:12
you should face up to your fears miss so
02:15
I suppose you’ve come to the right place
02:17
for that
02:20
dear cause thank you they’re all
02:23
laughing I’m not proper comedian so I
02:25
phoned up the pet shop the other day and
02:27
asked do you have any pet peeves the
02:29
fella said yeah thank callers he hung up
02:33
they’re loving it I’m funny well what if
02:38
they’re not laughing with me what if
02:40
they’re laughing at me I rang the
02:42
butcher the other day and asked did he
02:43
have a tenderloin
02:44
he said yeah but that’s just because he
02:47
and his wife for trying for a baby come
02:51
on it wasn’t that good it’s so funny and
02:54
one of those two whispering about they
02:57
just look at me
02:59
did they just see me how am I supposed
03:02
to concentrate with everyone’s starting
03:03
up me
03:04
they can’t breathe stop be quiet okay
03:08
just stop laughing
03:11
[Applause]
03:13
shut up okay just shut up
03:35
so I rang my little priest the other
03:37
night and asked could I borrow a lot
03:39
more and he said
03:41
[Music]

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