The kids and I once spent a few days in Santa Cruz with our wonderful friends — who live a block away from the beach.
Any parent knows what a production it is to take the kids to the beach for the day. I did it two days in a row. — with all the regular mom stuff in-between. The only difference was we were in another town, in someone else’s house.
Here I was thinking this little getaway would be good for me and my mental health since my husband and I had been struggling big time. But I sat in my bedroom, exhausted after a long drive, wondering what the hell just happened for the last two days.
It was a kid-filled tsunami.
I felt more overwhelmed now than I did when we left.
Maybe I would have been better off staying home and sticking to the routine?
It’s in moments like this I start to feel the resentment of being a stay-at-home parent bubbling over. I don’t know how to stop feeling so overwhelmed by being both my kids’ person.
Even if that’s not entirely true and I do get breaks here and there, I’m still entitled to being overly dramatic in my own space.
I 48 hours straight with them. They still followed me to my room when we got home because they both wanted to snuggle. They fought over who got to hold my hand while we walked to the beach this morning. And they fought over who got to sit next to me on the rollercoaster rides at the Boardwalk last night.
I’m not going to lie, it feels SO good to be loved that much.
Sometimes, I can’t take it. I feel like such a bad mom for needing to catch my breath. Then I feel even worse because I don’t get that space unless I am rejecting at least one of them. The night gets even more overwhelming when my husband comes home and needs love too.
What do I do? How can I do better?
I. don’t. know.
But, I’m working on it.
I’m just starting to work through the chaos to find a balance to this stay-at-home-motherhood madness. I know one thing’s for sure, there is no place like home. And after spending a few days with my friend and her family, my husband is a freaking angel when it comes to being a team player.
I’ll start there and see where it takes me next.
Thank you for listening ❤
Previously published on Medium.com.
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