Moms have never had it easy, but since society has stopped expecting them to act as the sole caregivers of their children, instead encouraging dads to pick up the slack, the situation has certainly improved. Unfortunately, not every modern dad has gotten the memo. While their wives are cooking, cleaning, changing diapers and managing tantrums, these dads are nowhere to be found. It’s enough to drive any mom crazy!
A post from a mom at her limit on the subreddit ‘AmITheAsshole?!?’ reveals just what a toll this behavior can take.
Under the username ThrowRa18w82, a mom described her living situation at home, with her husband, Chris, of nine years, her 13-year-old stepdaughter, Emma, and their two 10-month-old children.
“I love each of my children,” she wrote, “But I do everything with no help; the last time I went out was 5 years ago.”
Right away, these are some serious red flags. No mom should be doing everything alone when she has a spouse who is perfectly capable of taking some of the weight off her shoulders. And no time for herself in five years? That should absolutely not be the case. Every mom deserves a break and some much-needed time to focus on herself.
“Emma is going through her teen phase right now, too, and I’m putting up with everything,” this mom continued. “Chris is doing literally nothing, I don’t even think I’ve seen him hold one of his children this week. (He doesn’t pay them much attention because he doesn’t think they have a personality right now.)”
This isn’t just the behavior of a bad husband, but a terrible parent! This mom is no doubt doing her best with Emma, but Emma needs her dad too, and it’s clear he’s not there for her. The fact that he refuses to even hold his 10-month-olds because of their ‘lack of personality’ demonstrates a dangerous level of neglect and lack of affection. The mom explained that she and her husband are in marriage counseling, but even so, her husband is in dire need of an awakening.
Luckily, she came to the same conclusion.
“I decided to book 3 days in a hotel,” she explained, “The youngest children are at my mothers.”
You go, mom! This is exactly the kind of break you deserve. It might seem extreme to some, but this mom desperately needs to recover and recuperate from what is essentially single-parenthood, and her husband needs to be put in the situation where he spends some time with Emma and finally steps up.
“According to my sister,” the mom continued, “I’m an ‘asshole’ for putting myself first and taking a break on Emma’s week because she’s going to blame herself for it, apparently this was just ‘plain selfish.’”
We couldn’t disagree more, and neither could Reddit.
“If your sister was seriously concerned about you as a parent she’d offer to help instead of criticizing,” wrote Reddit user cryacinths. “Take your time to yourself and enjoy. Rest is crucial, and it’s smart of you to make time for it in your life.”
Other users argued that this mom’s decision wasn’t just a healthy one for herself, but for her family.
“Sometimes you need time to yourself and away from the chaos in order to appreciate it more,” wrote bekkakill. “It’s also a good idea for Emma and her father to have alone time every now and then as well. So I think this is a win win for everyone.”
Some users, however, were a little less optimistic about the marriage.
“Everyone needs a break every once in a while,” wrote stunning-stasis. “Your husband really needs to step up. You should really reconsider your relationship if he doesn’t change after a few months of marriage counseling.”
Thanks, Reddit, for reminding this hard-working mom exactly what she’s worth. Moms and dads need to be equal partners in parenthood, and no mom should expect any less.