Kids Break the House? Fix It in These 20 Terrible Steps!

Step 1:  Wonder how your kid snapped a 1/4 rod in the gearbox of the garage door opener.  Take three weeks to fully question your skills as a father.

Step 2:  Save up money one penny at a time to buy a new garage door opener by selling dad jokes online.

Step 3:  Order new garage door.  Once the pandemic hits, wait 2 or 3 months before the door gets to you.  Sell more dad jokes.

Step 4.  Relish in your daughter’s disappointment when the package comes and she realizes it’s not her new bathing suit, just some stupid garage door opener.

Step 5.  Pick a weekend to install new garage door opener.  Then move that weekend back three times as your family has other more pressing requests, such as taking your daughter swimsuit shopping.

Step 6.  Finally, get your toolbox out.  Inform your wife that you have found her black eyeliner, and no, you don’t have any idea how it got in there.

Step 7.  Take off old garage door opener while only cutting your knuckles 10 to 20 times.

Step 8.  Keep the eye roll to a minimum when your daughter comes out and asks “what are you doing?”  Ignore her screams when you now make her help.

Step 9. Get a drink of water.

Step 10.  Come back from getting your drink of water and wonder where your daughter went.

Step 11.  Give up looking for your daughter because your wife says she let your daughter go to a friend’s house.

Step 12. When putting up new garage door opener, cuss a lot when you realize that the old tracks don’t fit the new design.

Step 13.  Marvel at all the garage door upgrades that have happened in the last 12 years.

Step 14.  As you balance the new garage door opener on your shoulder, as you are trying to get a stupid bolt in, while standing on the ladder with one leg, stop at least 3 times to answer what’s for dinner as now your daughter has come back home.

Step 15.  Tell your youngest son what’s for dinner even though he was standing right behind your daughter.

Step 16.  Tell your third son what’s for dinner.

Step 17.  Tell your wife what’s for dinner.

Step 18.  Never cook dinner again.

Step 19.  Finally, get the last bolt in and then turn your ankle as you’re coming down the ladder.  Doesn’t matter, it looks good.

Step 20.  Cuss silently to yourself when you push the button and nothing works.  Cuss some more when your daughter comes back to the garage and ham fists the button again and asks how you broke it.  Don’t break down when your wife asks why it isn’t working.  Smile when your youngest son says he still loves you. Take the night to think it over, but right before you go inside realize that you forgot to plug in the new garage door opener.  Celebrate by going to get your family only to see that they went out to dinner without you.



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