What do you love about fighting with him? You might say “nothing”, but really consider this question.
Question: I am constantly fighting with my ex-husband! My friends keep telling me to knock it off but somehow he constantly draws me back in. How do I walk away for good?
Answer: This can be super challenging when you have kids… do you have kids? If you don’t… girl this is going to be a whole lot easier and if not, write me back again and I’ll give you mores practices to heal this.
So if there were no kids And he’s still drawing you back in… here’s a dooooozer of a question… ready? What do you LOVE about fighting with him?
At first you might say, NOTHING Allana!
And yet if you really look, you might find you want to be right.
You want to have the last way.
You can’t stand him lying and you have to defend yourself.
You can’t stand him poking at you, you have to poke back.
You cant stand that he left you and you want to get him back.
You can’t stand you left him and feel guilty and thus put up with being abused.
You might be scared to be all alone and negative contact is better than no contact.
You might be scared that if you don’t respond he’ll come after you with more anger.
You might be enraged that you married him in the first place and beat yourself up by letting him bully you now.
SOMETHING in that list has got to strike a chord yes?
Now FEEL the feeling that the truth brings up… even if it makes you want to hide, scream, vomit or die.
And as you breathe do your best not to try to change it… just BE with this part of you.
Yup, the part of you that you wish wasn’t there.
The part that’s feeling some yucky feelings right now.
And slowly begin to let that pain, anger, grossness go… exhale it away gently.
Keep doing this until the ‘charge’ or ‘trigger’ is gone. Until you may cry a bit… or laugh a bit.
I used to get SUPER triggered by ANYTHING my ex would do because what I didn’t want to feel was how SUPER mad I was at me for even marrying him.
Thus the work to do was self forgiveness.
Love, this not only sucks to have had the courage to leave your ex and yet you haven’t left your ex…. it also sucks because with that state of mind, energy, heart… you’re only going to attract ANOTHER ex in a new body.
I recommend healing this now and forever to set yourself up for healthy love. I know I’m not inexpensive as a coach, and yet I’m way cheaper than another divorce, and falling madly in love with YOU, free from drama in your life, is priceless.
Let’s begin with a strategy session so you know you’re going to get a huge return on your investment. www.AllanaPratt.com/strategy
Life if short.
Let it go.
I can help.
A version of this post was previously published on allanapratt.com and is republished here with permission from the author.
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