Hilarious Working Mom’s 35 Things She Thinks About at Age 35 Are So Damn Relatable

Emily Shields is making a tradition out of nailing what it’s like to be thirty-something with a young child.

In December 2018, the Facebook content strategist and mom of a toddler daughter went viral for her “34 Things I Care About at Age 34” birthday post. It was a roundup of hilarious musings many Xennial mothers could relate to.

Now she’s back at it again, a year older and wiser, with a new list of things to share. On December 21, she gifted the world with her “35 Thoughts at Age 35,” and it’s just as entertaining.

See the post below in all its glory.

We’re especially fond of No. 4.

  1. My Brain Is Now Half Grocery List, Half Paw Patrol Theme Song
  2. Never Thought I’d Feel Guilty For Washing My Hair Every Day But Here We Are
  3. How Different Would My Daughter’s Life Really Be If I Was Replaced By A Recording That Says “Put Your Boots On” Over And Over
  4. After A Full Week With My Family, The True Vacation Is 8 Hours A Day Without Asking My Coworkers If They Have To Go Pee-Pee
  5. No Job’s Too Big, No Pup’s Too Small, It’s Paw Patrol, They’re On A Rolls, Milk, Strawberries, Toothpaste
  6. Will Anyone Ever Love Me The Way I Love My Lululemon Align Leggings 28” In Black
  7. Am I The Only One Worried That Masseuses Can Hear Thoughts
  8. Before You Ask, No I Have Not Seen That Movie Yet
  9. I Love My Child But I Do Not Want To See Her Face After 8 P.M.
  10. Wait A Minute, Were My Teenage Years Hard Because Of Hormones Or Was It Just Low-Rise Jeans
  11. No One Wants To Hear My Potty Training Woes Including Myself
  12. Every Time I Wash My Hands Without Help I Think: See?? Do You See How Fast This Process Could Be?
  13. I Am Perhaps A Little Too Proud Of Myself When I Remember To Moisturize
  14. The Shampoo Girl With The Long Nails, The Nurse Who Stole Me Extra Postpartum Mesh Underwear, And Other Women Who Deserve More Money Than Jeff Bezos
  15. Dry, Reheated Half-Eaten Mac And Cheese In A Plastic Bowl: A Motherhood Delicacy
  16. If My Goal Is A Lip Balm In Every Pocket How Do I Just End Up With No Lip Balms And 7 In The Drawer At Home
  17. How Many Stickers Is Enough
  18. I Took A Day Off Work To Watch TV And It Was The Best Day Of My Life
  19. To The People Who Read Like 40 Books A Year: How
  20. Laying On The Floor Is Stretching If I’m Wearing A Sports Bra
  21. Why Do I Steal Those Tiny Jars Of Honey—Do I Think I’ll Need Them At Home
  22. My Husband Is Out Of Town, Time To Watch Every Netflix Original Targeted To High School Girls
  23. Cooking A Fancy Meal On Sunday Night: Nice In Theory
  24. Having A Toddler Has Really Made Me Come To Terms With How Bad Of An Out-Loud Speller I Am
  25. Just Who Are Melissa & Doug And How Can I Ever Repay Them
  26. I Spent A Lot Of My Life Being Taught To Hate Women So I’m Making Up For It Now By Liking Lizzo A Little Too Much
  27. If You Have Tried To Make Cheez-Its From Scratch I Feel Like We Have Very Different Ways Of Approaching The World
  28. Am I Going Insane Or Have I Just Seen Too Many Pinkfong Videos
  29. I Want To Go Back To A World Where I Didn’t Know How Many Steps I Needed To Take Per Day
  30. I Need To Start Admitting I Don’t Know How To Bake, Unless It’s The Technical Challenge And No One Has Proved Their Dough Long Enough
  31. If I’m Going To Spend More Than 5 Minutes Cooking A Meal There Better Be Leftovers
  32. How Did My Life Come To This How Did I Become A Person With 3 Types Of Milk In My Fridge
  33. I Don’t Know Who’s Getting More Out Of Daniel Tiger, My Daughter Or Me Except I Do And It’s Me
  34. On A Scale Of Caffeine To Heroin, Where Do Q-Tips Fall
  35. How Do I Stop Apologizing To Other Women For Passing Them Through An Entrance

The exhaustion. The children’s shows. The disorganization. And the unexpected people, moments and things you grow to be so thankful for.

This really speaks to our soul.

We can’t wait to see what she comes up with next year!

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