Guys, Don’t Ever Buy Her Roses

I bought someone roses recently.

I’m a little embarrassed about it.

F*ck, she may read this and call me out so I’ll be completely honest.

I bought her roses two times in a row!

Here’s the thing about roses.

You only check one box. — You bought her flowers. Great.

And that’s nice and everything but that’s not enough.

You should check another box, a more important box — Proof of how well you know someone.

This is the cake.

If you just buy someone flowers, it’s only icing.


Since I’ve only known this person for a few weeks, I am giving myself some grace. I found out she likes wildflowers so now I have something to work with.

Giving a woman flowers is a standard that’s been around for centuries. There’s something classic about flowers. But since it is a standard, there’s a fine line between classic and generic.

Children will gift you what they found on the way home and it’s okay because well, they’re children. Just the fact that they were thinking about you melts your heart. But as an adult, gifts with zero thought are not cute. They’re fast and convenient. It says you’re too busy or lazy to really think about me and what I like. This means even though you’re being generous, you’re still kind of making it about you. Children make it about them.

If you want to grow the eff up, you must make it about others by putting some thought into your gifts. This is what makes you classic instead of generic. Now it doesn’t mean gifts have to be elaborate and expensive. It just means thoughtful, showing consideration for someone else. Proving that you know that person. And by giving them something straight from your thoughts and heart, you are giving them a piece of you.

The invention of the gift card. Although brilliantly obvious, it cheating. It’s like reading the Cliff Notes instead of the entire book. Just by picking the store you want him or her to shop at doesn’t turn cash into a thoughtful gift. It’s not a gift. It’s an easy way out. Or in. Generic.

Think about all the gifts you’ve received in the last five years. Of the ones you can actually match faces to, which were the most memorable and why? What’s the common thread? Assuming you didn’t wake up on your birthday to a helicopter on your front lawn, most likely it was the thought, the effort, and a piece of the giver — the giver has put his or her essence into the gift. The greatest gifts always contain a part of the gifter. That is why it’s memorable, unique, and one of a kind.

The “holy sh*t” factor of a helicopter may be memorable. But a poem from your six-year-old daughter, a painting from your wife, or a handmade cigar box from your grandfather will hold more value. This is because you can’t buy these things. By putting thought into your gifts, you are sharing your humor, creativity, song, dance, words, personality, and touch. You are inserting yourself and that is always the most valuable part of the gift.

Giving a gift means you’re also giving the gift of you.

When people say “it’s the little things”, this is what they’re talking about. Notes. Reminders. Messages, pieces of you, everywhere, scattered during the most unpredictable times. Not only on birthdays and anniversaries but any day. It’s not the gift, it’s the thought behind it. Give when you’re least expected to. That’s when it will hit the hardest. Trust me, your partner will repay you in other ways. But of course, that is not the reason why you are doing it. If so, you are taking and not giving.

Also, remember that putting thought into your gifts isn’t just about them. It’s also about you. A person’s gift is telling of the person. This behavior defines you. It makes you an adult. It creates great stories. Memorable or forgettable is only the result. Putting thought into your gifts is about choosing to be selfish (not sharing yourself) or selfless (sharing yourself). There’s only one of you on this planet.

Let us experience the rare gift that is you.

Okay, now about the coconut oil. It’s the new answer to everything. Swish it in your mouth for ten minutes and it kills bateria and whitens your teeth. (note: don’t spit it into the sink. It hardens). Rub it on your body after you get out of the shower and you’ll have dolphin skin.

And finally, yes I’m going to go there, and I guess I’ll use the word self care. It’s better than lotion.

It’ll make you feel sexy.

Trust me.

This post was originally published here and is republished with permission from the author.

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