What are two common, unconscious things couples do to themselves that result in the breakdown of their love? The first one is what women do to men, usually without knowing it and the second one is what men do to women without realizing it. This paralyzing circle can be turned around to strengthen the relationship when the couple makes one particular change.
The Thing Women Do To Men
The often unconscious thing women do to men, which men hate more than anything is rejection. Rejection specifically of their manhood. Let me illustrate it this way. A man needs to know he is manly. He needs to know that he is the male in the relationship and that his manhood is sufficient for the woman in his life. Manhood and manliness can cover different things from being able to protect, provide security and being strong for his woman. But men traditionally get fixated on manhood as being physically adequate especially by natural means. It means to men size does matter and that being full of muscles and bulges in particular places should make a man completely irresistible to the opposite sex. This is, of course, a myth, however, even women buy into this physical focus.
This physical center of attention men have with their bodies and their manhood means that they become completely sensitive to any criticism or rejection of their bodies especially from the women in their lives. This is also transferred to a man’s self-perceived sexual prowess, which in a man’s mind dictates that he has to be spectacular, in order for him to feel very manly. This is why Viagra is one of the world’s best selling medications. It also explains why men have traditionally always dragged their feet when their wife wants them to go to couple’s therapy. It also explains how he wants his partner to immediately take notice and swoon over his body when he walks past her naked on the way back from the shower. It further explains why Mikey refused to forgive and felt devastated as if he had been castrated when Natasha, from the Australian show Married at First Sight 2020, laughed and told others that their first sexual encounter was all over in twenty seconds! To bring a man’s sexual prowess, or even the size of his penis into question is every man’s kryptonite. Why? Because it strikes at the very heart of his perception of his manhood.
Understanding this helps a woman to realize why a man equates sex with love. A man must see himself as being adequate. The worst thing is for a man to feel inadequate. When it comes to being rejected sexually, many men can’t differentiate between personal rejection and sexual rejection. Although a woman is not personally rejecting him if she says no, many men still feel as if their manhood must not be good enough. This male sensitivity can then lead to all sorts of reactions and countermeasures which can negatively impact upon a couple’s relationship.
The Thing Men Do To Women
Rejection hurts us all but in relationships, there is one particular thing that infuriates women that many men have no clue about. The corresponding sensitivity that women have is neglect. Just as a man wants to feel manly, a woman needs to feel appreciated as a woman. Many men would be happy in a marriage to have a type of business contract for the relationship, just as long as sex was part of the agreement. But when a woman feels like she is left alone in the marriage, when she is taken for granted and is not valued and adored as a woman, then her femininity is rejected. This happens when a woman feels neglected. She feels used and not much else makes her more upset with her man than the feeling of neglect.
The opposite of neglect is for a man to be engaged, and plugged into the relationship. It means she is always on his radar and never forgotten. This is why forgetting their anniversary is such a big sign for a man. How could he ever forget such a momentous date as the day he married the absolute love of his life? How could he not understand it’s tremendous importance? The hit song Elvis Presley sang, “You were always on my mind” resonates with men. Their partner can be on their minds all the time, but if the woman in their life can’t mind read, then the man doesn’t get any points for that, in fact, it’s counted as a big fat zero. So although a man can be constantly thinking about his love for his wife, if that message is not communicated and acted upon, it does nothing for the woman. She just assumes she means nothing to him.
The problem which drives couples to step on each other’s sensitivities is the male psyche which says if he is man enough, then he shouldn’t have to communicate his love for his partner, it should be obvious. So it doesn’t provide a stimulus to a man to go out of his way to communicate his love for his partner, to make sure she feels cherished and special. In fact, if he went out of his way to be romantic and communicate his love for his partner constantly then he would be admitting to himself and her that he must be actually lacking something as a man. His manliness would not be enough, and that thought would terrify him.
Neglect for a woman is a huge source of discouragement and depression. She longs to be told by her man how important she is to him, that she is special and adored. She longs to feel loved, not merely told now and again she is loved. She wants the dream prince Charming, she wants to feel she alone is the center of his affections. When she finally realizes she has lost her dream and instead has a disengaged man, she often concludes that he thinks she is not worth it. When she doesn’t feel feminine, how can she help her partner feel like a man?
With both sensitivities fuelling the other how can couples avoid falling into this deep, seemingly invisible trap, that many ends up never being able to escape? The answer to the dilemma is found in romance. Why romance? Because when a man is romantic it creates a certain dynamic in the relationship which reverses the destructive forces of these two devastating things couples do to each other. When a man is romantic it communicates he is prioritizing the relationship. When a man is romantic his actions tell of his love for his partner. But romance does more than this. Romance is actually a female aphrodisiac which allows her to see him as very manly and desirable. It presses a button that lowers her defenses and lets him in. It makes her safe in being vulnerable with her man because she knows and feels his love for her.
Men just need to understand and adopt a woman’s perspective. They need to know that in a woman’s eyes, they are the manliest ever when they are romantic to the woman in their lives. If this one key could be accepted by men, so many problems in relationships could be averted. If men could accept themselves as being more manly when being romantic, the circular conflict would have no fuel left to burn. Once a man sees himself as a woman sees him, he can have a light bulb moment. Once he can see that being romantic doesn’t take away from his masculinity, it only reveals it and adds to it, he is free to engage, communicate and do anything but neglect. On the other hand, his woman is freed to enhance his masculinity by lowering her walls and connecting with him and desiring his manliness. It’s a win.
While each partner is trying to get their own needs met in the relationship the cycle continues. Something has to break this damaging paradigm. I felt so strongly about this I wrote a book about it hoping to start a romance revolution, and help couples see how important romance is to their relationship. Romance… Push The On Button! How to turn your man into a romantic is a book that men need to read just as much as women. By bringing romance into your relationship you can dismiss countless arguments and negativity in your relationship and unleash the potential of what your relationship can achieve. Say hello to romance and say goodbye to neglect and rejection for ever!
Previously published on Romanceisalive.com.
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