No, not all mothers-in-law are toxic. It’s true that sometimes they are referred to as monster-in-law, but times have changed and the relationship between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law too has evolved. It’s natural to go through a few rough patches with your MIL. You might even find it difficult to build a warm relationship with them. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean that they are toxic or wicked. But if your mother-in-law is draining you physically and emotionally, then that’s cause for alarm. Watch out for these signs to find out if you are dealing with a toxic mother-in-law or if you are worried over nothing:
1. They Are Determined On Making You Look Bad
If your mother-in-law is doing everything she can to make you look like the bad guy in front of others, that’s a red alert. Arguments with your MIL will always leave you feeling drained because instead of talking about the facts, she will be hellbent of proving you wrong with her baseless arguments and by making up lies.
2. They Will Find A Way To Get Back At You
If she sends you off to extended guilt trips, then she might be toxic. It is okay to have a few rough patches in your relationship. But if she suddenly stops talking to you over petty issues and boycotts you completely during family dinners, then we have got some bad news for you.
3. They Have A Bipolar Personality
Mood swings are something everyone goes through. So it’s totally understandable and acceptable if she isn’t her normal fun self with you at times. But if she takes on a completely different persona when you are at a family gathering or a function and switches back to her usual self when it’s just the two of you, that’s a matter of concern.
4. They Are Extremely Insecure
We empathize with the sentiments of a single mom who has raised her son and finds it hard to let go of him. It’s normal to feel slightly reluctant in sharing your son’s love with a new woman. But if your MIL is dead set on ruining your personal time with your husband or sabotaging your relationship by bad-mouthing you to her son, then look out, toxic bells are ringing!
5. They Show No Love Or Respect Towards You
When two people are living under the same roof, it is natural to have a few tiffs and arguments. But in spite of everything if your MIL loves and respects you, then you have got nothing to worry about. However, if she tries to belittle or demean you every chance she gets and shows no love whatsoever, then you are 100% living in a toxic environment.
If your mother-in-law checks all the points that we have mentioned above, then there is very little that you can do to build a healthy relationship with her. You can try making amends, but chances are she is never going to budge from her stand. It can also strain the relationship you have with your husband. You might end up feeling frustrated and angry, but know that it’s the son you got married to, not his mom.
It’s best not to have any expectations from them so you don’t end up getting hurt. It can be emotionally draining to always be polite and courteous when she is putting the blame on you at all times. Try to be assertive and learn to communicate in a clear and crisp manner instead of bottling up your emotions. But remember to keep your cool and not to stoop to her level. Ask yourself if you have done anything to piss them off or instigate a negative response towards them. Lastly, realize that you don’t need their approval over anything. Once you learn to be okay with this fact, you will feel more relaxed and empowered.