A Mini Manifest on Conscious Dating

I might not know what love is but I know what it ain’t.

—Josh Turner

My thoughts, exactly. Well, I would say I feel very fortunate to have seen a lot of real love in my life. Remarkable couples who are true fans of each other. So, based on who you ask, I’m either a very romantic, rudraksha wearing, healing arts educated, spiritual seeker with a deep, lengthy love of all things Vedic (yoga teacher training graduate, long-term Jyotish student and TM meditator) or . . . a non-committal “man eater.” That nickname actually cracks me up and I make fun of it at every turn. It also makes me really feisty, because if I were a dude, my lifestyle would barely raise an eyebrow.

I will also say if simply catchin’ you a man is your goal, I am not the dating coach for you. I think you’re worthso much more than that! Quite often, I see women who have sought to “wait guys out” and that perspective is far away from my thought process. The finite resource mentality is not true . . . and I encourage you to not buy into it for one second.

I’ve dated a lot. There, I said it. Yes, a LOT (consciously). And no, I’m not a relationship coach. I have one of those and believe everyone can benefit from a therapeutic tune-up every now and then, to make sure you’re operating out of your best self.

I am, however, a dating coach, because I’ve learned how to date consciously, I know how to do it with ease and awareness, and I know what works.

The foundation of my belief system is that you, Intrepid One, deserve YOUR man. You deserve to wait, continue to grow, get clear and build your life, so that the man you are meant for can find you.

I’ve met some amazing men, and I mean . . . amazing. 45 to be exact in the last year and a half of being single. Most were one or two dates. Only two made it any further. Why? Because I’m really clear about what I want. In fact, I get clearer every day with every date.

The biggest myth around my views about dating are about sex. I’ll give you my truth, straight up: WAIT. Yes, wait as long as you possibly can, and then wait some more. Yep. It’s one of those things I really believe with my entire heart. Ladies, your energy and your body are sacred. . . and when you haven’t yet crossed the threshold of sex with a guy you’re dating, you tend to think better and make decisions more in alignment with your overall well-being.

Now, a word about Josh Turner’s country line: “I might not know what love is, but I know what it ain’t.”  If your prospect is a guy who’s never asked you (in some form or another) to be “his woman,” chances are he “ain’t it.” You see, if he doesn’t, then in reality you’re not . . . and in all likelihood you are and will remain friends and “company.” (I don’t believe this is a bad thing — I just think you have to be honest with yourself and clear about what you want.)

As a matter of fact, I’ve lived every side of this and watched literally 100’s of women do it. So I know how it typically plays out. If you park yourself on the curb and “wait a guy out” for him to “pick you,” there’s a very good chance you could miss both your guy and a ton of funalong the way. Men don’t typically take themselves out of circulation early, and I promise you when they really want you, they ask for you.

A fascinating man I dated once said it like this: “If there’s a space in your life for a boyfriend, I’d like to be yours.” I LOVED it and that is how it’s properly done. In that case, our timing might have been off as far as dating further was concerned, but that moment and everything about him impacted me in a huge way. We took our time, a “slow burn,” as he called it. And when it came to the point where I realized it couldn’t progress in its current form, we parted ways in an amicable fashion.

My point here is there are ways we as women are holding back our progress in the arena of conscious dating. I want to be your girlfriend who tells you: “You deserve to feel wanted” and “You deserve to have someone who is clear, open and ready to get to know you.” In other words, you deserve to be perfectly clear of ex-wives and ex-girlfriends, with someone who’s in a space in life that he wants a woman who’s his equal, and yes, he’s emotionally stable, healthy and evolving. You also deserve something bilateral with someone emotionally free and available. In my mind, these are the basics, what you’d do well to consider as non-negotiable.

So keep moving. Pay attention to who you meet, and courageously address anything in you that might be holding you back. (Example: If you meet someone fabulous and they’re not quite available, look inward and find any way you may be unavailable . . . and then do all you can to work that out. I believe with my entire heart, “Water seeks its own level.”)

Go on dates, go to yoga, get fit, get healthy, play outside, circulate, have fun . . . and wait for it, Intrepid One. I promise you won’t regret it.

Previoulsy published on Huffington Post

Phoo: IStock

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