Your intuition says you miss them… but you worry if the same fights could recur and damage your marriage again… yet your heart still craves for them, to be loved, to be cared for, and to revive the lost bond.
While some separations move right towards divorce, there are a few that may see a fresh start and a revival of marriage. After being separated, some couples may realize that they still have some fond feelings for each other and are often in a dilemma about whether to reconcile or not.
If that’s a dilemma you are in too, wondering if you could get back together with your spouse, this MomJunction post is for you. Here, we talk about the chances of a couple getting back together after separation and tips that may help them during the time.
Is It Possible To Get Back After Separation?
Yes, some couples do give their marriage a second chance. It could be a reasonably good idea to reconcile with your spouse if you still love and care for them. When you are separated, you may realize the importance of your spouse and even forgive what had happened in the past. It could be the time when you’re willing to take that second chance and renew your commitment.
You may have chosen separation over divorce because you probably wished things worked out and that you could get back to staying with your spouse. And that thinking could become a reality once you are entirely sure about reuniting with your spouse. The alone time could give you a new perspective to look at life with your spouse and could erase all the bad memories.
But before moving ahead, it is better to be certain that you do want to reunite with your partner.
Can You Reconcile After Separation? Factors To Consider
The decision to separate or reconcile should not be made overnight, or in a hurry. You would have to think and check whether you surely want to reunite with your spouse or not. We have listed out a few questions that you may ask yourself before moving ahead.
1. What was the cause of separation?
If the reason for separation was lies, never-ending fights, and conflicts, then getting back together may seem too complicated. On the other side, if you and your spouse needed some space and time apart to reevaluate how you felt for each other or to figure out what you want from the relationship, then you could think of reconciliation.
2. Are you sure you can forgive and move on?
Your separation might have seen some heated arguments from both sides, and some negativity (words or acts) could still be lingering on your mind. If your partner has done or said something hurtful, ask yourself if you can really forgive that and go back to loving them. Are you ready to forget what happened and move ahead?
3. Do you have the potential to resolve problems?
The reason behind separation could be disagreements. And they might occur again. How would you manage them this time? Would you just give up or let go, or make try be open to new ideas and try to understand your partner’s views better and see how you can work them out? If you think you can make these disagreements work whenever possible, then reconciling would seem to be a good idea.
4. Do you feel positive in their presence?
A supportive partner would make you confident and keep you happy. If your spouse had always respected your opinions and their presence makes you feel relaxed, and you miss those moments, then you may want to reunite with them.
If you do want to make your marriage work again, here are a few tips that can help.
Tips For Getting Back Together After Separation
You and your spouse might have decided on separation after months of arguments and tensions. But now your feelings have changed, and you wish to get back to your married life with your partner. If both you and your partner feel the same and want to give your marriage another try, then these tips are for you.
1. Be honest with yourself
You want to get back together because you are entirely sure of it. In case you have doubts or are confused, it is better to take a step back and get some clarity first. If possible, talk to someone who knows you and your spouse better, but do not hide anything from your partner.
2. Clear communication
It is essential to have transparent communication with your spouse so that both of you know what you are looking for and expecting from each other after getting back together. It also helps in developing a close bond between you and your partner. This could also help you not to repeat the mistakes that you made before separation.
3. Slow down to make things work out
Going in and out of the marriage without giving much thought and acting hastily is not a good idea. You might have decided on separation in haste, and it might have been a mistake. But don’t repeat the same mistake when you are thinking of getting back.
Even when trying to get back together after separation, see that you are not rushing on things. For instance, don’t keep going on dates or don’t keep calling or texting all day. Go slow, give space to each other, and let things move at their own pace.
4. Be acceptable of the new
You should accept the fact that everything is not going to be the same as it was before. You should be prepared to face the new changes in your marriage. For example, you may get to see a change in your partner’s behavior or habits. That’s normal. Life teaches many lessons when you are alone and away from your spouse. So be ready to accept some new things, including that you may not want if you want the marriage to work this time around.
5. Give priority to your marriage
When you are giving your marriage a second chance, make it a priority. It means prioritizing your spouse and marriage over friends, work, egos, and other things in life. This feeling should come from both the committed parties so that your new relationship is built on a healthy foundation.
6. Be expressive
When you get back together after separation, you should not hide or suppress feelings and emotions. Be honest and let them know how you feel – do not act on the emotions, as that could be detrimental to this new union when both of you could be vulnerable. At the same time, hiding your feelings will not help the relationship.
The more expressive you two are about how you feel and what you want, the better it is for the relationship.
7. Think practically
While it is necessary to express your emotions, try not to let your emotions get the best of you. You might be hurt, sad, frustrated, and going through a lot of feelings. But don’t drown yourself in them. If you still love your partner as you did and you feel that they love you too, then that feeling should be heard and acknowledged.
At the same time, you also need to think practically. Not all feelings may need to be expressed the same way – some may be temporary and may pass soon. But if you are not happy, and life seems difficult, think practically and talk to your spouse instead of sulking or hoping it will get better on its own.
8. Don’t dig the past
You have made up your mind to move on and get along with your spouse after separation. Then there is no point in looking back. One of the common mistakes that couples do when trying to get back is to talk about the past. Before they realize, they end up blaming each other and create another mess in their relationship.
So, it is better to move forward positively and talk about your future and make mutual plans to avoid the mistakes from before.
9. Start everything fresh
One of the easy ways to get back to your spouse after separation is by starting anew. Why not forget the past, be kind and respectful to each other, and plan special dates? Have fun, try to know more about each other, figure out what has changed and what has not, and begin a new journey of marriage all over again.
10. Learn from the past
Most separated couples find it challenging to get back together because they carry baggage on their shoulders. There could be anger, guilt, stress, and frustration.
Both of you might have made mistakes that led you towards separation. You must have realized those mistakes when you were away from your spouse. Keep them in mind and see that they are not repeated.
11. Consider your children
It could be complicated when you have children. If they were too young when you got separated, then they might not remember what happened. But if they are mature enough to understand what is happening, they would have plenty of questions in mind.
In that case, you and your partner should talk to your children and help them deal with their feelings. Try to answer all of their questions so that they understand you and your relationship.
If you feel that your relationship with your spouse is valuable and you do not want everything to end, then giving a second chance to the marriage may be a good idea. But to execute it properly without repeating the previous mistakes, you need to keep a few important things in mind and then move ahead. Be mature, be understanding, and you will surely experience a happy and healthy marriage.
Do you have any experiences or tips to share with us? Let us know in the comment section below.